I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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