We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
