and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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