Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
