So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
