i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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