i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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