He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
