how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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