a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
