I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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