Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
3 2 1 whiskey
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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