i permit you to call me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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