I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?