Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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