You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
