He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
