he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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