im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize