I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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