i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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