Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
