Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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