he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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