your parents love me but you hate me
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
