Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
