PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
