If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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