Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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