Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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