dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
