Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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