forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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