god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
