How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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