The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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