i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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