I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
