direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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