i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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