We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
