so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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