Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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