It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize