just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
