She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
