she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
