So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
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waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
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But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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