im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
