mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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