i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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