Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
