so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Watching her eat just hurts me
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
