On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?