my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.