I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.