Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
21 Disappointing Confessions From Teenage Fathers
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.