he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.