I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize