Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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