We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
