remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
