I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
