I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
