I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
