Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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