I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
