and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
