all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
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The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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